Imperfect
by Athyra
Summary: [postGSD] In the eyes of the public, I’m an ideal leader. Through the eyes of my fans, I’m a flawless singer. From the eyes of my friends, I’m an impeccable girlfriend. Yet, I can never be perfect in his eyes. [K x L] read inside for more details
1. Chapter 1 Endless Battle

_**SUMMARY: **_In the eyes of the public, I'm an ideal leader; through the eyes of my fans, I'm a flawless singer; from the eyes of my friends, I'm an impeccable girlfriend. Yet, I can never be perfect in his eyes. (K x L)

_**MAIN PAIRINGs:**_Kira x Lacus (implied Kira x Fllay, Athrun x Lacus, KiraCaga, Asucaga, Shinn x Luna)

_**DISCLAIMER: **This is a story based on characters and situations from Kidou Senshi Gundam Seed and Seed Destiny. I don't own it_

_**WARNING: **Text and all related materials are rated **PG13/T** and there is rather strong and coarse language and mild adult themes. So don't complain about offensive languages! XD Also, there are/might be some grammatical errors and typos, spelling mistakes, even after rereading it many times. _

_**NOTE**: The story contains pre-GSD and post GSD events, etc. It will mostly be focused on Kira and Lacus, and occasional appearances of Athrun and Cagalli. Disregards certain events in Special Editions and Upcoming Movie__-_

_**NOTE 2: **This is sort of the sequel/companion fic of 'Let Go'. You don't have to read it to understand the events, but there will be some major spoilers. Read the dates carefully!!_

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_To everyone, Kira and I seem to be the perfect couple. No fault, no conflicts, nothing. Yes, exactly, there is nothing. We understand each other, yes, we're content just to be with each other, but, neither asks for more. At least, I feel it is enough, it is fine just the way it is. However, I know, it would never be enough for him. His eyes are merely covered by a façade of determination. One little push, and he will crack, I just know it.  
Always, someone would be on the back of his mind, haunting his thoughts constantly. He has never stopped hurting; he has never stopped feeling guilty. He has never stopped loving Fllay Allster_. -Lacus Clyne

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**Chapter 1 – Endless Battle**

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Lacus Clyne jolted up from the bed with a startled gasp. She looked around frantically, her stormy eyes searching for something in the darkness of the room. It was as if she could still hear the accusing tones of the terrorists; she could still picture blank stares directed at her and blood all over the floor when -

She shut her eyes hard, as if trying to keep away the horrible memories. Shivering in guilt, she hugged herself close. Her hand trembled lightly as she pressed it against her raging heart, willing it to calm down.

It was then she was uncomfortably conscious of her current state. Quickly, she dove under the covers, her tense posture relaxed considerably. The blanket felt exceptionally warm and it felt soothing against her naked skin.

Turning around carefully, Lacus stared at his sleeping form silently. He looked so peaceful that she was glad she didn't wake him.

His arm reached out sluggishly and hugged her closer to him protectively. She blushed at the contact, but soon she became accustomed to his warmth. She snuggled against him, wondering half-heartedly what their relationship really was.

Content to be in his arms, Lacus drifted off to dreamland once again, recalling certain events that led up to her current situation-

* * *

_-C.E. 74, three weeks after the armistice- _

"So you're going up to space," Kira Yamato asked evenly, his amethyst eyes unblinking.

"Yes," Lacus Clyne replied, staring into his eyes.

There was an uncomfortable silence. The tension felt strangely unnerving - this had never happened between them at all. Kira's eyes were stormy, but he said nothing.

The songtress of peace couldn't hold her gaze any longer. She looked away and whispered pleadingly, "You understand, don't you Kira? PLANT needs me right now. With all the confusion brought by the Messiah, they need stability right now. In fact, the world needs to be balanced. Cagalli-san is doing her best, so shall I."

"Nn, I understand," his voice was strangely mechanical, "I'm ready. I will fight and protect."

Lacus flinched involuntarily. She was reminded of the conversation they had after the first war had ended.

_"Will you stay with me?" Kira Yamato whispered tentatively, his empty eyes stared at the pink-haired girl almost pleadingly. He looked so fragile and lost, as if irreversible damage had crashed on him._

_And it did. She knew he was more than devastated, and she knew what she had to do, what she wanted to do._

_"Of course, Kira. Let's enjoy the peace we all fought for...what everyone fought for," Lacus smiled kindly, and was happy when a small spark lighted Kira's mature and troubled face._

_"Yes...the peace we fought for," his eyes darkened in pain, "fighting..."_

Lacus closed her eyes wearily. "You don't have to fight again, Kira."

"It's too dangerous, Lacus. I can't let you go up alone."

She was touched by his concern, but this was Kira; he had a naturally gentle soul, forced to fight admist carnage and burdened with terrible guilt. The guilt of not being able to save _her_.

Was she selfish? Perhaps, but she wished for him to forgive himself. She wished for him to move on. She wanted him to protect her, but not because he didn't want to repeat the same mistakes again. She wanted him to open up to her.

Yes, Lacus Clyne wasn't who everybody thought to be, or who everyone _wanted_ her to be. She wasn't this problem-less, goddess-like entity; she was only human. A human with her own feelings.

Like any other neutral civilians, she wanted to just live her life quietly with the man she grew dependent on. Despite what others may think, Kira was the real pillar of strength behind everything. He had never shed a tear since the first war; he grew so strong yet so distant that Lacus no longer knew what to do. Everytime he fought, everytime he took a person's life, more and more nightmares were added to his list. It hurt her to see him in torment.

Therefore, Lacus knew she must do this. She must help PLANTs without involving Kira anymore.

"Kira," she shook her head gently, "I'm going to be the mediator between PLANT and Earth. I'll be fine. You must stay here and," Lacus's eyes flickered, "help Cagalli-san."

Unlike during the second war, when she had to go up to Eternal, Kira didn't really argue with her.

His face was still passive. He closed his arms around her, pulling her into a tight embrace. Like always. It was as he was afraid to do something more than hugging...

Lacus leaned against his dependable shoulders and smiled lightly. _This is enough for her. As long as he still cared...I'll just have to get used to not having him by my side._

_

* * *

_

_- C.E. 75 - May, Terminal Headquarters -_

"Lacus-sama, here's the document you've requested for."

Lacus nodded at the soldier, who saluted to her enthusiastically. Scanning the page quickly, Lacus sat down on the Commander's chair and immediately contacted Orb.

The blonde's princess's familiar face appeared on the screen.. Lacus smiled at her in greeting.

"Good afternoon, Cagalli. So you have agreed to the idea proposed by Chairman Spencer?"

"Yes, I've already made a list of the members of this patrol. Does this meet your approval?" Cagalli's voice was strong and firm, a true sign of an experienced politician.

_She's been through much. _Lacus thought. When her eyes fell upon the list of people who will accompany the Eternal, Lacus gasped softly. Glancing at the screen, she found Cagalli grinning back at her knowingly.

"Well? Surely Commander Yamato is a good choice?" Cagalli feigned confusion.

Lacus sighed, slightly embarassed, "Cagalli, you don't have to do this-"

"Do what?" Cagalli asked innocently, "He volunteered himself. I didn't tell him anything."

Seeing that Lacus still seemed indecisive, Cagalli's voice grew serious, "Look, Lacus. He misses you. He wants to be by your side, and I know you want to too. Don't let this chance slip by. Don't ... give up," her voice trailed off, her eyes growing sad.

Lacus knew exactly what Cagalli was talking about; the blonde chose her country over Athrun, period. _Am I doing the same thing?_ _Choosing Kira's peace over my own heart? What if Kira really wants to be with me?_

"I really admire you, Cagalli-san," Lacus muttered. _For many reasons..._

"There's nothing to admire," Cagalli replied stiffly, "Anyways, I'll contact you again if anything happens."

When the transmission went off, Lacus slumped against the chair, her energy drained out of her. Not because of personal problems, but because of the public. She had to keep up her image but...it was really tiring sometimes. _If only I'm more like Cagalli...at least I can punch something or scream...as long as it relieves my stress_, Lacus mused, chuckling at an image of shocked citizens seeing her unusual behavior. _Oh, I can't do it, as much as I want to. It's just...not me._

"Lacus-sama, here's the schedule for tomorrow, including the speech," Martin DaCosta approached the songstress and handed her a piece of paper.

Glancing at the ever-increasing stack of paper on her desk, Lacus accepted the schedule without complaint.

_It's not me._

She was Lacus Clyne. She was not suppose to complain.

* * *

_- C.E. 75 September, Flagship Eternal_ - 

"Anything unsual, Captain Waldfeld?" Lacus floated into the bridge of the pink spaceship.

"Nope, not at all. Same with Archangel," the scarred-man smiled, nodding at the screen.

"Hello, Lacus-san," Murrue Ramius greeted her.

Even though Murrue and Mwu got married, they all still called her 'Captain Ramius' because, well, they were used to it. Mwu's face popped up besides his wife's, "Yo, pink princess," he grinned good-naturedly, "Athrun said he wants to talk to you. Personal message."

"Oh?" Lacus was mildly surprised, but she went back to her room nevertheless. _Personal message?_

When the blue-haired man appeared on the screen, Lacus couldn't help but gaze at him affectionately. Even after so many years and under so many circumstances, it didn't change the fact he was her ex-fiancee.

No matter what, Athrun will always hold a special spot in her heart. After all, he was the first man she liked. They had been prepared to get married, and they probably would learn to love each other too but things just didn't happen that way.

It was fine for them, though. They will always be good friends.

"How are you up there?"

When Lacus was about to reply that she was fine, Athrun cut her of quickly, "You know what I mean. How are you and Kira?"

Lacus smiled lightly, "He's fine, Athrun. Everyone looks up to him, and he's getting along with everyone really well. I think he's getting used to his rank now."

Athrun chuckled, "And he doesn't look strange in a ZAFT commander uniform?"

"No, I have to say it suits him," Lacus giggled. Indeed, she was more than shocked to see Kira in the uniform, but he seemed comfortable with it. "How's the patrol, Athrun?"

"Oh it was quite alright. Pretty uneventful, but that's exactly what we wanted. I assume Eternal didn't encounter anything?"

She shook her head, "Everything's fine, Athrun. I have to admit Chairman Spencer's Treaty is working very well, to have us patrol different areas with battleships from different allegiances, consisting of different armies. It should be able to bond different groups of people more."

Athrun nodded in agreement. As a very perceptive person, Lacus quickly noticed his rather melachony demeaner, "What's the matter, Athrun? Is something troubling you."

He hesitated, but since Lacus was always good at, well, counselling people...

"Well, Cagalli and I kind of had another fight. I-I don't know what I'm supposed to do and I just thought you can maybe-," Athrun paused, turning around in confusion at people yelling in the background. "Sorry, Lacus, I have to go. Something's come up."

Lacus stared at the now blank screen worriedly. Was there some way she could help? Cagalli 'helped' her, so she should return the favor as well. But how? She didn't really want to let Athrun down.

She met Kira on her way to the bridge. Kira smiled at her in greeting and she couldn't help but blush lightly. The way he smiled these days was so much brighter than before. _Perhaps... _

She recalled the time they'd reunited. She had ran and hugged him impulsively, and was happy that he had returned it. Now, a few months since that day, will they finally be okay...?

When the two arrived at the bridge, Waldfeld stood up immediately, his expression grave.

"A message from Cagalli. It's urgent."

Lacus licked her dry lips, alarmed. Cagalli never sent urgent messages unless -

The Representative of Orb appeared on the screen, her eyebrows furrowed in suppressed anger. Several colonels and emirs were walking around in the background, shouting orders.

"There has been an attack, on Minerva...it was a planned ambush."

Lacus covered her mouth to stifle a startled gasp. Like Archangel and Eternal, Minerva was assigned to patrol certain areas. None of them expected something like this happen again. Why, why must people continue to fight? Was peace really not enough? Even despite all those sacrifices, all their efforts, people still demand war...why?

"Where-?"

"Berlin. However, the ambush consisted of mobile suits from all allegiances," Cagalli's expression darkened, "like us. There was even electromagnetic inteference to prevent us from recognizing friends and foes. We shall send you a detailed report after Captain Joule has fully rested. The battleship is currently under repair at Morgenroete"

"Is everyone alright?" Lacus swallowed hard. She could already guess the answer...

Cagalli grimaced and looked away, "Only half of the soldiers survived, and we also lost Major Hawke..."

Lacus distinctively remembered the friendly girl Meyrin, and her older sister. She had become pretty good friends with Meyrin...she couldn't even imagine how the sweet girl can recover from her sister's-

Dropping her eyes, Lacus stared at the floor, willing herself not to think anymore.

Kira was expressionless, but his lips were set in a grim line. His bright amethyst eyes darkened considerably. His fists clenched and he whispered something, almost to himself, but Lacus heard him.

_Fllay...I'll continue to fight..._

Lacus closed her eyes in defeat. Kira's soul will never rest completely, as long as fighting and death continued to haunt him and remind him of the lives he failed to save.

Especially the life of the girl he first loved.

_...whatever it takes...as long as I don't fail again..._

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End of Chapter 1

**A/N:** Well, Kira and Lacus...while they don't make me go all crazy like Asucaga, I still like this pairing. At first, in GS, I wasn't convinced about their relationship. As much as I...dislike it, I felt Kira and Fllay had something more than Kira and Lacus. However, in GSD, the only good thing was that I'm totally convinced of Kira and Lacus. It seemed so easy for them to communicate with each other, to support each other, something Athrun and Cagalli can no longer do. Yet, KxL are still at a level that they only hug each other (kiss already damn it.) Not to mention, I can't help but feel that Kilax is too 'perfect' a couple, hence the arrival of this fic.

Therefore, please don't flame about the 'still-love Fllay' part. I despise bashing characters. Oh, yes, both Lacus and Kira will have very, um, complicated feelings here. The chapter's title refers to both of their endless battles, with themselves.

A tedious chapter, but this is only to get things started :) Big things shall come up in the future :) The first part of this chapter happens later. Don't worry, the confusion will clear up :)

Notes:

Captain Joule, Lieutenant Elthman, Major Hahnenfuss and Major Hawke were stationed on Minerva

Captain Ramius, Admiral Zala and Colonel La Flaga were stationed on Archangel

Chairman Spencer's Treaty: To ensure the state of peace and strengthen the bonds of different people by working together. Minerva was assigned to patrol certain areas on Earth, including Berlin. Archangel was assigned to patrol other areas on Earth. Eternal patrol the areas in space with a bit of help from the Junk Guild and Rhondo Mina.

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Please Review!

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Athyra


	2. Chapter 2 Sword and Shield

**_SUMMARY: _**In the eyes of the public, I'm an ideal leader; through the eyes of my fans, I'm a flawless singer; from the eyes of my friends, I'm an impeccable girlfriend. Yet, I can never be perfect in his eyes. (K x L)

**_MAIN PAIRINGs:_**Kira x Lacus (implied Kira x Fllay, Athrun x Lacus, KiraCaga, Asucaga, Shinn x Luna)

_**DISCLAIMER: **This is a story based on characters and situations from Kidou Senshi Gundam Seed and Seed Destiny. I don't own it_

_**WARNING: **Text and all related materials are rated **PG13/T** and there is rather strong and coarse language and mild adult themes. So don't complain about offensive languages! XD Also, there are/might be some grammatical errors and typos, spelling mistakes, even after rereading it many times. _

_**NOTE**: The story is set from pre-GSD to post GSD. It will mostly be focused on Kira and Lacus, and occasional appearances of Athrun and Cagalli-_

_**NOTE : **This is sort of the sequel/companion fic of 'Let Go'. You don't have to read it to understand the events, but there will be some spoilers._

_-_

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_I fight to protect. I fight to defend. Yet memories still haunt me - the time I could not save lives.  
__That's why I'm scared to get too close to Lacus. She is too perfect for me. I'm too tainted to be with someone like her. With Freedom, I shall always be her sword, or so I thought. It took me a great deal of time to finally open my eyes, to see that all along, she is my sword instead- my source of strength_. –Kira Yamato

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**Chapter 2 – Sword and Shield**

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_-C.E. 73, during the Second War- _

Kira panted hard, shaking his head to try to get rid of the sweat inside the stifling helmet. He leaned back against the pilot's seat, his blank amethyst eyes scanning the areas for any remaining enemy.

When the radar indicated nothing, Kira allowed his grip on the handle to loosen slightly. Only slightly.

A familiar feeling of guilt crept up his back as he looked at the heavily damaged ZAFT ships and mobile suits. He did it.

No matter what people said about him, no matter how much he tried to forget, he will always be a murderer. He had taken lives in both wars, and there was no turning back.

Once again, he had the power to destroy and protect.

Kira stared at the pink battleship flying besides him. _Lacus..._

Truly, Lacus Clyne was an enigma; Fllay was manipulative and attention-grabbing; Cagalli was frank and stubborn. However, Lacus, to him...

She was perfect.

She gave him strength whenever he needed it. She gave him Freedom, which was destroyed by Impulse. A part of him never thought he'd be able to pilot again. Freedom, the sword she had given him, was defeated. What else could he do if he couldn't even protect that sword?

And then came Strike Freedom. It was as if she knew, that he would need its power again. The power to protect.

Kira was deep in thoughts, so absorbed that he didn't even notice Waltfeld's message. But Lacus's voice broke his musing.

"Kira, is everything alright?" Lacus's concerned face appeared on the screen, and Kira couldn't help but wonder how a human being could be so selfless and kind, especially to someone like him.

_An angel worried about a killer...how ironic_, Kira thought sadly.

It was different with Fllay. He had loved her, even after he discovered she was just using him. He still loved her, even after her death; he will never forget, since her death was like a reminder of his failure. The remnants of this love were mixed with guilt, therefore it was the hardest feeling to let go of.

He let out a shuddering sigh. "I'm fine, Lacus, I'm coming in," he said wearily, and flew towards Eternal.

Exactly. He will not fail again. He let himself grow too attached to Fllay, and the enormous amount of pain and regret were all he got when she died.

He was afraid to repeat the same thing with Lacus.

_Strike Freedom, I will need your power once again to protect those I love._

She wasn't Fllay; Lacus was too perfect. He didn't deserve her - that was what he kept telling himself over and over again.

After he got down from the mobile suit, he found himself looking into Lacus's kind blue eyes. He nodded at her, and she cocked her head slightly in understanding. There was a bond between them, a mutual understanding that the didn't require verbal communication. The kind of bond that never existed when he was with Fllay, or even with his twin, Cagalli.

They walked towards the bridge in silence, yet they were comfortable with it. Kira liked that; her presence was enough to make him feel at ease. She never asked any questions, and he was glad for that.

"Thanks for saving us, shonen," Andrew Waltfeld smiled at him warmly. His single eye then turned serious, "We just received a transmission that Orb is under attack. By ZAFT."

Kira frowned, looking at the screen anxiously. That golden mobile suit...?

"Cagalli's trying to hold back that new MS from ZAFT," Andrew said gravely. A mobile suit with butterfly-like wings was attacking the Orb forces blindly, as if in rage, and the gold MS was having a hard time to handle it...

Cagalli was in danger.

"Let's go, Lacus."

"Hai?"

He turned to her with a determined expression, "We must go."

Lacus's eyes flickered worriedly, but she agreed wordlessly.

_It's time for the azure sword to descend once again...

* * *

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- _C.E. 76 Terminal Headquarters_-

"I see, still no words on the terrorist organization, huh," Andrew frowned, sipping coffee.

"Yes. Captain Joule has personally searched Berlin twice, but still found nothing," Murrue Ramius said, "They are still trying to find Lunamaria. Shinn believes she is still alive and," the captain of Archangel looked away, "I want to too. It hurts to see Meyrin so sad, but it's been almost a year now-"

"Taichou! There's an unidentified mobile suit at 009 Green Alpha, followed by a combination of different mobile suits!!" Martin DaCosta yelled worriedly.

"Damn it, are they the terrorists?" Andrew gritted his teeth in frustration, "So after an year of inactivity, they've decided to make their move again, huh," he turned to Murrue, "Looks like we'll have to talk later. DaCosta-kun, notify all personnels and issue Condition Red."

"H-hai!"

Kira jolted up from the bed when he heard the warning sirens going off. He quickly changed into his flight suit and dashed towards the hangar. His stomach quenched uncomfortably. _Am I going to take lives again? Must I...fight?_

Wasting no time, he jumped into Strike Freedom and contacted the main office.

"Waltfeld-san, what's the situation?"

"One unknown mobile suit, follow by 6 Zakus, 4 Goufs, 10 M1 Astrays and 12 Strike Daggers. It's the unknown I'm worried about."

"I'll sortie, Waltfeld-san, and collect information," Kira bit his lips. Better him than any others. There were quite a few new soldiers who had yet to experience the horrors of taking another human life and, well, since Kira had already killed, he'd like to try his best to prevent any other pilots from suffering the aftermaths. Like he did.

"Um, can Hilda-san launch as well, just in case, for defence? Oh, don't launch the Eternal yet," Kira added impulsively.

Andrew's lips quirked into a knowing grin, "Understood, Admiral," chuckling at Kira's embarrassed expression, Andrew quickly ordered the three Dom Troopers to launch as well.

"Be careful," Lacus's face came into view and Kira smiled at her reassuringly. His raging emotions vanished just by seeing and hearing her.

"Kira Yamato, Freedom, launching!!"

The angel-like mobile suit sped towards the enemy forces with amazing speed and dodged incoming attacks with graceful agility. Kira quickly deployed the DRAGOON wings and, as expected, disabling half the enemy forces with a blink of an eye.

Strike Freedom, one of the most powerful mobile suit ever developed, was under his control. He would put its power to good use - with its power artillery, it was easier to avoid killing any enemy pilots.

When several Zakus backed away from his path, Kira's eyes narrowed warily. Were they trying to lure him or something? Traps? Reinforcements or...?

His suspicion was aroused when the enemies made no moves to come any closer or fight back.

"Kira Yamato, Ultimate Coordinator, correct?" A scratchy voice growled through the intercom. Kira activated its beam shield just in time to intercept an incoming plasma beam. His eyes went wide with shock when he saw the unknown mobile suit.

"Strike...Freedom?"

It was an exact replica of his MS, but it was pure black with blood red wings and light blue edges. And instead of two beam rifles, it was equipped with something that resembled a claw.

**ZGMF-X20B Ragnarok**

"Surprised, are you not?" The stranger snarled in an animalistic voice. "This mobile suit shall bring exactly what it's named after - it shall bring Ragnarok upon this pitiful world!!"

Kira gritted his teeth as he felt anger surging through his veins. Every single time. First it was Rau le Creuset, who wished to destroy humanity. Then it was Gilbert Dullindal, manipulating the people as he strived for a facade of a peaceful world...withouth a future. And now, this?

"What is your purpose?" Kira asked calmly. The stranger laughed, though it sounded more like barks.

"Purpose? We all have different goals, Kira Yamato. For me, it was to erase your existence in this world!!"

Kira flinched at his harsh tone; Rey za Burrel had said the same thing before-

"Are you...a clone?"

He held his breath, almost afraid to hear the stranger's answer. He didn't want to find out that there were any more of those 'experiments', those who suffered because of his father's dream to create an Ultimate Coordinator.

The other line was silent, as if contemplating something. Finally, the stranger replied.

"No."

Kira sighed in relief. At least this person wasn't like Rau or Rey...

"Who are you, then?"

The stranger snorted bitterly, "Me? Kei Minato, I suppose that's my name. Hmff. I'm not even close to a clone. I'm merely...something similar to a _failed _experiment." He spat out the last two words with so much hatred that Kira couldn't help but shudder.

"And I guess it's related to me somehow, isn't it?" Kira asked with a cool tone. Everything always revolved around him, as much as he didn't want it to...

Just because he was the Ultimate Coordinator.

"Of course," Kei chuckled, "I guess you already have a pretty good idea what we're trying to do here."

"No, I don't," Kira said gravely, "Even after fighting in two wars, I still don't understand why people ceaselessly try to destroy the peace that everyone fought so hard to achieve. Why did your comrades ambush the Minerva, in Berlin of all the places?"

"Retribution," Kei hissed, "You think everybody can have their 'happily ever after's just because you, Lacus Clyne and Cagalli Yula Athha have established the so-called peace? We still want revenge. Our tears, our souls call for it."

"The cycle will never end if we all continue to do kill for revenge," Kira muttered, recalling the fight between Athrun. Tolle and the boy named Nicol will never come back. Shinn, by now, should've understood that as well.

"Of course we understand that," Kei grunted irritably, "Haven't you realized yet? The locations we chose to attack are the places we all suffered: Berlin, Kaoshiung, Joshu-a, Panama and so on. And who do we attack? The military. We have never involved any civilians in our attacks. Ah yes, "Kei growled angrily, "you people dare to call us terrorists."

Kira was quite speechless; he had not expected that.

"It's the military we all despise, Kira Yamato. Yes, 'we' - Naturals and Coordinators alike. We are working together quite well. Isn't that what you people want?" Kei's tone changed, "No matter. That's not what I'm here for. We have a more important business-"

Ragnarok raised its clawed hand as if signaling something. Kira glared at him warily. He could attack him, but that would leave the headquarters wide open to the rest of the enemy forces and the three Dom troopers won't be enough to hold them back.

Just as he was about to contact Waltfeld, he discovered the communication wasn't working. In fact, the power went out in the headquarter aburptly.

"What-?"

"It seems like our spy had succeeded. I'm pretty sure we can get _her_..." Kei let out a savage laugh and Kira's heart froze.

There was only one possible 'her'.

He abandoned his post and quickly returned to the headquarters, ignoring Kei and the others.

"What do you think you're doing?" Hilda Harken shouted, repositioning her Dom-Trooper to fill up his spot.

"Lacus...I must get to Lacus!!"

"Let him go, Hilda. Besides, I'm worried about Lacus-sama too," Harvard said. Mars grunted, "Yea, me too. The enemy doesn't seem to want to attack either."

True, Kei and the rest was just there, as if observing their movements.

"It's only a test, Kira Yamato, but we'll soon see," Kei barked ominously. Kira blocked out his feral laughs as he quickly opened the emergency entrance manually.

Using the kit in the cockpit, Kira took out a gun and flashlight swiftly. The officers in Terminal greeted him silently, all were at lost what to do.

"The backup power supply isn't working, sir," one of them said, "it seems like someone has hacked into our main system, just enough to shut all our powers down. We're trying to release a virus that would only effect the intruders."

"Good, keep up your work," without sparing him a second glance, Kira dashed down the hallway, trying to recall his memories. _Where is the main office?_

His body was on alert, constantly checking if there were traps. Whatever it was, something felt wrong, very wrong...

When he pushed the door open, he was relieved to see it was the main office. He quickly dodged as bullet zipped past his head.

"It's me, Waltfeld-san!!"

"Kira? What are you doing here?" The man walked towards him and helped him stand up.

"Where's Lacus? Why isn't she here?" Kira couldn't keep the frantic tone out of his voice.

"After you launched, she left saying she forgot something," the older man's eyebrows furrowed in concern.

Kira quickly left the office and ran down the hallway blindly, trusting his instincts.

_Please be okay, Lacus...I don't know what I would do if you..._

Lacus had always been his source of power. She was the balance that kept him sane. She was always there for him, always. But had he ever been there for her...?

Kira gulped in confusion. His feelings for Fllay was still there, but Lacus...

She was his sword, and he was her shield. It was his instinct to protect her. And now...

_Where is she?_ Kira thought, his heart thumping against his chest almost painfully.

A terrified scream tore through the darkness.

It was familiar, the sheer horror imbedded into the voice itself, and shot straight through his soul.

"LACUS!!!!"

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**A/N:** Alright, Kira's chapter is done. There will more of him and Lacus to come. Big thing coming up next. Just to clarify, it seems that Kira has realized the importance of Lacus but, well, this is only the second chapter and you can bet there are more things to come ;)

There will be a few simple Japanese words usage since the tones of certain words, when translated into english, is kind of, eh... (ex. 'shonen' means young boy/man, and Waltfeld calls Kira that sometimes but in english it sounds...not right.) lol, just my personal feeling.

Kei Minato was originally the rumored third season protagonist, and well, I twisted him around and now he's the main antagonist of this fic. I generally hate OCs but this is necessary... (I mean, who else is there to play antagonist?) Don't worry, the OCs won't steal the spotlight. Just think of them as a manifestation of the civilian victims from both wars.

Hilda, Mars(the one with the goatee) and Harvard(with glasses) are pilots of the Dom Troopers in case anyone forgot. I have yet to see them in any fanfiction ;)

**P.S.** Yea, so those who are curious about what happened to Luna or Shinn etc, you can find out in 'Let Go', which is their story. That's why I won't elaborate too much on them since this is Kira and Lacus's story ;)

Please Review ;) and thanks for reading it!!

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Athyra


	3. Chapter 3 Tainted Hands

_**SUMMARY: **_In the eyes of the public, I'm an ideal leader; through the eyes of my fans, I'm a flawless singer; from the eyes of my friends, I'm an impeccable girlfriend. Yet, I can never be perfect in his eyes. (K x L)

_**MAIN PAIRINGs:**_Kira x Lacus (implied Kira x Fllay, Athrun x Lacus, KiraCaga, Asucaga, Shinn x Luna)

_**DISCLAIMER: **__This is a story based on characters and situations from Kidou Senshi Gundam Seed and Seed Destiny. I don't own it_

_**WARNING: **__Text and all related materials are rated __**PG13/T**__ and there is rather strong and coarse language and mild adult themes. So don't complain about offensive languages! XD Also, there are/might be some grammatical errors and typos, spelling mistakes, even after rereading it many times. _

_**NOTE**__: The story is set from pre-GSD to post GSD. It will mostly be focused on Kira and Lacus, and occasional appearances of Athrun and Cagalli-_

_**NOTE : **__This is sort of the sequel/companion fic of 'Let Go'. You don't have to read it to understand the events, but there will be some spoilers._

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**Imperfect**

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_I thought I understood Kira's pain merely because I was part of the wars as well. I've watched comrades fall, mobile suits exploding and many lives brutally taken away. So, I thought I understood. But I don't. Nothing could be compared to the horror of smothering the flame of life, and the burden that followed. The blood and guilt that can never be washed away_. –Lacus Clyne

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**Chapter 3 – Tainted Hands**

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_-C.E. 76, Terminal Headquarters- _

Lacus froze when the lights suddenly went out. She held her breath, scanning her surroundings nervously.

She only came back to her room to get her mother's ring. After Kira had returned it to her after the first war, she saw it as a representation that he will always come back, to be by her side. Since then, everytime he went to battle, she would always keep it close to her heart.

_Did something happen? Kira... _Lacus thought worriedly. Her hand slowly went to a pocket knife Athrun had given her.

_You're a prominent figure in society, Lacus. You must know how to defend yourself._ He had told her firmly and made her take it.

At first, she had been reluctant to carry such a thing with her. A murder weapon!! But it was either this or a gun, and she chose the knife instead. Her father was gunned down. Guns were the first seeds of war. The very idea of holding something capable of taking many lives in a blink of an eye was too overwhelming.

She shuddered involuntarily, and she tried to suppress it. She hated it. She hated darkness - too many bad memories always resurfaced.

Just as she took a step forward, her foot caught something on the ground, causing her to stumble slightly.

Barely missing an incoming dagger.

Gasping in shock, Lacus felt wisps of her hair slashed by the blade. A hand shot out and grasped her shoulder hard. Before her mind could even register what was happening, the unknown assailant pushed her onto the floor harshly.

Slightly winded from the force, Lacus coughed and tried to talk, but the stranger beat her to it.

"Silence, Lacus Clyne! At last, I can avenge my family..."

There was so much anger and pain that Lacus's words died in her throat. "Family...?" She whispered hesitantly.

"Yes, family," the person hissed, and the grip on her shoulder tightened, "We trusted your words, Lacus Clyne. You and Orb. We all trusted you..."

The grip on her shoulder slackened as the speaker trembled, and Lacus felt something wet dropping onto her cheek.

Tears...?

Automatically, she wanted to say something to comfort this stranger, who was in obvious distress, but she couldn't. What was she supposed to say? What _can_ she say?

"They believed in you even when the Chairman tried to cover up for that imposter...and what? You sent them to their deaths!"

The person shifted and loomed over her. "This has to be done..." he muttered almost apologetically. Lacus tried to push him away before the dagger could strike down. She could feel the wind from the weapon; her hand automatically shot upwards in defence...

A weird sensation traveled down her arm when her hand met the attacker's chest...or rather, something stabbed through it. He gurgled in surprise and somethng sticky slowly dripped down her arm.

The dagger dropped from his hands, the cool metal sliding past by her cheek harmlessly. He went limp and collapsed on top of her while more and more of those sickeningly pungent liquid trickled down.

She couldn't breath. Her mind was numb with terror.

Her hand slowly unclenched. Panicking, she tried to get away from the dead weight and the knife embedded in the stranger's chest

The power suddenly came back on and Lacus choked at the sight before her.

Blood...there was so much blood. Blood staining his uniform. Blood pooling on the floor. Blood splattered on her coat.

Her wide eyes glanced at her stiff hands, horrified to find them soaked in blood.

She had killed him.

She had taken the life of a stranger.

With her own two hands.

A scream echoed in the empty room, and it took awhile for her to realize it was her own. It gradually subsided into hyperventilated hiccups; she was shaking so much, her body had gone deathly cold.

She stared at his open, shocked eyes. She stared at the unmoving body. She had seen this man before. He was one of the new members of Terminal. She remembered speaking to him before.

And now he was dead.

She reached forward tentatively, grasping his uniform and shook him slightly.

No response.

She shook harder, but there was still no response.

_I really killed him..._

Someone kicked the door open and she could faintly hear her name being called. She jolted and turned around sharply when she felt a warm hand on her shoulder.

Lacus gazed into Kira's piercing eyes, trying to find the comfort she desperately needed. His expression was unredable, but he grimaced slightly at the condition of her clothes, his eyes flickering momentarily.

_He must be disgusted with me_...

"H-He is...I-I...,"she stammered weakly, uncertain how to explain the situation. Tears slid down her pain-filled eyes. She rarely cried. Last time was when Meer Campbell sacrificed herself to save her. With Kira, Lacus felt that she could confide her real emotions...she would only show her hidden side to her, no one else. But this time it was different; she didn't want him to see. She didn't want him to see this un-Lacus side of her.

"Lacus...," Kira murmured kindly, his fingers gently easing her grip from the dead man's uniform.

Lacus took in the gruesome sight again and was overwhelmed by the magnitude of what she had done.

It was too much.

The last thing she heard before losing consciousness was Kira's frantic shouts.

* * *

_"Haro! Haro!"_

_"Come back Hawo! Haha, it tickles," a young girl with long pink hair ran around in the beautiful garden, chasing after one of her Haro and being bounced on by the other Haros._

_"Lacus-chan, Athrun-kun's here," a soft voice called out to the girl._

_"Athrun! Athrun!" The Haros chanted merrily while the girl hastily dusted herself._

_"Um, good evening, Mrs. Clyne," a young boy with midnight blue hair stammered nervously. A tall woman with gorgeous pink hair bent down to his eye level and patted his back reassuringly._

_"I'm sure she'll love it, Athrun-kun. Look, here she is," the woman smiled. The boy blushed when his eyes caught the girl, who was grinning at him._

_"Good afternoon, Athrun, it's nice to see you," Lacus curtsied slightly, making the boy fidget even more._

_"Er, I-I just want to say...Happy Birthday!!" Athrun thrusted a neatly-wrapped box into her small arms and ran away (fled)._

_"Ara ara," Mrs. Clyne sighed teasingly, "that boy has got to stop being nervous around girls. Make sure you thank him for his presents later, alright, Lacus-chan?"_

_The girl nodded happily, carefully unwrapping the gift to reveal another Haro. Only this time, it was..._

_"A pink one!!" Lacus exclaimed, hugging the toy, "I'll call you Pink-chan fwom now on!"_

_"Lacus," her mother's voice was gentle but commanding, and the girl quickly stopped and listened intently to her mother._

_"There's something I need to talk to you about," Mrs. Clyne began, "Do you know anything about the ...the war happening?"_

_Lacus nodded hesitantly, "Father mentioned it to me once...that's why he's so busy, isn't it?"_

_"Yes. Your father thinks it's too early for you, but I feel that it is best that you know what's happening in the world around you. There were several battles between our ZAFT forces and the Earth Alliance. The racism between Naturals and Coordinators has peaked to a point that a war will be inevitable."_

_"Why can't they just get along? There's no difference between us and them," Lacus blinked innocently, "Why must they fight? Won't everyone be happy if they don't fight?"_

_Mrs. Clyne smiled and stroked her daughter's hair soothingly, "You are a gentle child, Lacus. Siegel's right. You're meant to be PLANT's songstress...the songstress of peace. Nevermind what I just said, Lacus. I just want you to remember that no matter what happened, you'll keep on singing and trust yourself."_

_She covered her small hands, "You must never take another being's life. Promise me?"_

_"Hai!" Lacus's expression was rather mature for her age, but she truly understood what her mother said._

_"That's my girl," Mrs. Clyne chuckled, "Here. Happy Birthday, Lacus-chan."_

_Lacus was in awe as she accepted a magnificent ring from her mother. She held it in her small fingers, squinting at it from different angles, completely mesmerized._

_"I want you to give it to the boy you love when you grow up."_

_"But, don't boys usually pwopose?" Lacus cocked her head cutely, confused._

_Mrs. Clyne chortled in amusement, "Why, yes. That's not what I mean. I meant that you should give it to the boy as a keepsake, or something that has a special meaning between the two of you."_

_"Should I give it to Athrun?" Lacus hugged her pink Haro lovingly. "I like him vewy much!"_

_"Very much!" The Haro echoed._

_"You don't have to decide now," Mrs. Clyne patted her head, "You will understand when you grow up."_

_"Hai!" Lacus grinned happily and hugged her mother hard, causing the older woman to laugh again at her daughter's adorable antics._

* * *

Kira's eyes softened as he gazed at the sleeping songstress. He stroked her cheek gently, wanting to comfort her. He completely understood what she'd been through. He understood so well to the extent that it hurt him so much just to think about it. 

Lacus wasn't supposed to come in contact with anything so ...so unsaintly.

He was supposed to be the one killing, not her.

He shall fight and she shall speak for peace, that was the way it was supposed to be. Now, Kira wasn't sure how to handle this situation - how to talk to Lacus...

"How is she?" Andrew asked calmly, walking into the room with Martin and the Dom Trooper Trio tagging along behind.

"She's still sleeping. What about the terr-," Kira stopped himself, recalling the conversation with Kei, "The intruders?"

"That's weird thing I couldn't figure out. They all retreated once we fixed the power. Did they anticipate this was going to happen?" Andrew stroked his chin thoughtfully, gazing at Lacus in a fatherly expression.

"No," Kira shook is head, "I think they're merely observing what our responses would be in such situation...or, rather, what _my_ responses would be."

Andrew nodded; he knew there was something more, but he won't pursue any further. "Alright. I'll contact Orb about this matter. Tell me when she wakes up." Glancing at Kira with trust, Andrew and the rest left the room, leaving Kira alone with Lacus.

The brunette played with her ring, remembering the time she had given it to him. He knew it was important to her, just as it was to him. He returned it to her right away after the first war had ended. He didn't want to keep something this precious with him, tainting it with his unworthy hands.

_What's she dreaming about right now? _Kira wondered half-heartedly, gazing at her slightly frowning expression. He prayed that she wasn't having any nightmares similar to his after he first took a human life. He shuddered involuntarily at the memory; it was an experience he desperatedly hoped Lacus would never dream about. The accusing tones of the dead, their sorrow and hate, their pain and lost goals... and the bitter memory that was left behind.

_Yes, nothing but a memory. That's all she is, a memory, _such thought crossed Kira's mind again and again, constantly bugging his mind, relentless and unforgiving.

Carefully, he put on a cool and wet handkerchief onto Lacus's forehead. She flinched but didn't wake up.

A sense of deja vu hit Kira and an image of a girl with red hair doubled with Lacus. He recalled the time he took care of her on Archangel, when she was seasick...

"Fllay..." the name escaped his mouth automatically. After a few moments, he realized what he said and he shook his head angrily.

He was furious at himself. At his own helplessness and inability to forget.

Kira wasn't sure if he could stay composed so he quickly left the room. He didn't see Lacus's eyes opening slowly.

She was already awake and she was staring at the ceiling blankly.

No tears, no sound, just a simple emotionless stare.

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End of Chapter 3

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**A/N:** One of Lacus's worst fears would probably be taking another's life, even though it was an accident.

Things are about to get even more complicated. Stay tuned!

Sigh, life has been really hectic these days...I'll try to update ASAP.

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Thanks for the review!!

-

Athyra


	4. Chapter 4 Raw Emotions

_**SUMMARY: **_In the eyes of the public, I'm an ideal leader; through the eyes of my fans, I'm a flawless singer; from the eyes of my friends, I'm an impeccable girlfriend. Yet, I can never be perfect in his eyes. (K x L)

_**MAIN PAIRINGs:**_Kira x Lacus (implied Kira x Fllay, Athrun x Lacus, KiraCaga, Asucaga, Shinn x Luna)

_**DISCLAIMER: **__This is a story based on characters and situations from Kidou Senshi Gundam Seed and Seed Destiny. I don't own it_

_**WARNING: **__Text and all related materials are rated __**PG13/T**__ and there is rather strong and coarse language and mild adult themes. So don't complain about offensive languages! XD Also, there are/might be some grammatical errors and typos, spelling mistakes, even after rereading it many times. _

_**NOTE**__: The story is set from pre-GSD to post GSD. It will mostly be focused on Kira and Lacus, and occasional appearances of Athrun and Cagalli-_

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**Imperfect**

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_Of all the stupid mistakes I've made in my life, this has to be the biggest one. I couldn't bear to watch her breaking from inside out, so I did what I thought was right. As it turns out, I'm the one destroying her. I've tainted her perfection; I've become an even more despicable sinner._ –Kira Yamato

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**Chapter 4 – Raw Emotions**

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_-C.E. 76, Terminal Headquarters- _

Things were rather uneventful after the supposed intrusion attempt by the terrori…invaders. Nothing had happened on Earth so far. The patrols had been multiplied after a conference by many leaders of the world.

Chairman Spencer offered to sent Minerva back to space, concerned for the songstress, but after a persuading discussion, Minerva still remained on Earth.

Many were worried for their leader, but no one was more worried than Kira.

By nature, Lacus was a quiet person who spoke only when it was needed. But she was usually relatively easy to converse to, in light-hearted conversations full of smiles.

Therefore, it was obvious that the spy's death had affected her badly. She was silent and rather distant these days. Sometimes she smiled weakly, but most of the times she just nodded if someone addressed her. She was trying to be strong, but Kira could see the incident was tearing her part.

She was usually seen standing in front of her room with an unreadable expression. Her room was probably going to be turned into a storage room. The blood stain on the ground was washed off but, in the songstress's mind, she could still see it, vividly.

Lacus shared Kira's room for now. The room was pretty wide and had two beds, so it was easy for her to walk to her side of the room without needing to acknowledge Kira.

He didn't do anything because he knew she needed time alone. He respected her space, but he was beginning to feel …constricted somehow. Her presence by his side had a foreign feeling, like she wasn't really there. She seemed dazed and her mind was far far away, as he discovered during a meeting.

Andrew asked Kira to do something about it, but the young Admiral was stumped. It was clear Lacus didn't really want to talk to him, and he had no idea why.

Well, actually, he had some suspicions…and he was reluctant to confirm them.

Days went by. Then weeks.

And finally, almost a month after that incident, Kira had enough. Truthfully, the way she purposely avoided him hurt a lot. The loneliness at not being with Lacus finally pushed him over his limit and he decided to confront her about it.

What he didn't foresee was this confrontation would change their relationship forever.

* * *

Lacus willed her body to remain still when she heard the door slid open. She didn't need to open her eyes to confirm who it was. She could feel his familiar presence and she tried her best to pretend she was asleep. 

She missed his company terribly, but she couldn't bear to look at him - afraid to see disgust and disappointment in his normally gentle eyes, or worse... he might see her as Fllay again.

"Lacus?" Kira's voice was so soft and full of concern. The mental image of the man she killed flashed in her mind and she shuddered involuntarily.

She heard him sigh and felt him sitting down on the bed. He started to stroke her hair in a gentle rhythm, and Lacus felt her mental barrier crumbling.

"Someone once told me that 'it is better to let it all out', that 'it is okay to cry'," he spoke soothingly. Lacus cringed when she heard him quote what she had told him herself, during the first war. And just as Kira had done before, it was her turn to break down.

"Shh, it's okay, Lacus, I'm here." Pulling Lacus into his embrace, he ran his hand up and down her back, trying to calm her down.

She shook her head, "No, it's not okay, Kira. I-I killed someone. H-how can I face everyone? H-how can anyone be willing to believe me after this? I'm supposed to be fighting for peace..."

"It can't be helped," Kira said rather forcefully, "lives lost can never come back. That's why we must look to the future, try to understand the motives behind the intruders and stop them...if possible."

"But..."

"No buts," Kira tilted her chin and stared into her eyes, "Look at me, Lacus. I've killed thousands of people in both wars. Despite what I believe in, despite my best to aim at their weaponry rather than the cockpits, people still died because of me. It is something that will never disappear from my conscience. But you didn't kill that man on purpose, Lacus. You're not like me - I still fought even though I know people will die by my hands."

At that, Lacus felt somewhat silly; she had seen it herself, how Kira had carried this burden and lived on, no matter how much it tortured his soul. But until that incident, she had yet to stain her hands with someone's blood...she wasn't sure if she could be strong for Kira anymore.

"You've always been here for me, so let me carry your pain, for once," he stared straight into her eyes. She could only find concern and.. something else?

Kira's kindness made her feel even lower. An irrational thought flew into her mind and she wondered if Fllay had ever killed anyone before. Sure, the redhead had threatened to kill her, but she never actually did it. Lacus rubbed her arm subconsciously, recalling the redhead's fierce grip and hateful glare.

Thinking that Lacus was cold, he tightened his hold on Lacus. He was so close, yet so far. For once, Lacus wanted to be selfish, she wanted to close the gap between them. This was wrong, but she no longer cared.

Kira almost flinched when he felt her lips on his. For a brief moment, she thought he was going to push her away, but then he responded gently. They leaned into each other's touch and let themselves go.

Falling into the forbidden place they had resisted in the past, the place the both longed for but weren't ready.

They needed each other. She needed him, and she tried to convince herself this was enough for a reason.

* * *

Kira stared into the darkness, trying to convince himself he had made the right decision. 

He had comforted her just as Fllay did. Was this right? Did he do the right thing? He loved Lacus...yes, he loved her. But then again, he'd thought he loved Fllay back then.

Suddenly angry at himself, he fisted the bedsheets. A small hand reached out and covered his, startling him.

The songstress was still asleep, but she seemed to know, instinctively, that he needed her.

_I'm despicable. She was perfect, unmarred. But now I've tainted her. Me, a murderer. I'm sorry Lacus._

He glanced at her sleeping form and he bit his lips in attempts to clear an image in his mind. For some reason, Fllay kept popping up, always in his thoughts.

_You deserve so much better, Lacus. You deserve someone who can actually let go of the past. _

* * *

Days went by, and soldiers of the Eternal were happy that their leader seemed to be back on her feet. Lacus wasn't really sure how she was feeling; it wasn't as hard to put up a fake smile anymore, but an unsettling clench still remained in her heart. Almost like a premonition. 

Lacus recalled how devastated Meyrin and Shinn were when Lunamaria was declared KIA. The magenta-haired girl survived the Battle of Messiah, only to meet her end in Berlin. Who's to say the same thing wouldn't happen to Kira? Sure, he was the Ultimate Coordinator and piloted one of the most powerful MS ever made, but the future was uncertain-

She shivered at the mere thought of losing Kira. Instinctively, she snuggled close to the brunette, who hugged her close in response. The songstress sighed in content; this was what she wanted. Peace, in the arms of the man she loved.

It almost came as expected - there was always something to destroy the rare moments. Kira shot up from the bed at the sound of the condition red alarm, and the lack of warmth awoke her to the cruel reality. After dressing up as neatly as they could, the two ran to the main office.

"Good, you're both here," Andrew gave them a warm smile, but his expression quickly changed, "We've discovered that MS named Ragnorak and his platoon just behind the meteorite at Area 12."

"We don't know what they're up to...," Kira murmured, his tone grave and determined, "That's why we must pursue them this time."

"That's what I thought too," Andrew nodded his head, "But remember all the information we received from Captin Joule, Kira. We don't have a countermeasure against electromagnetic inteference yet. It's too reckless to rush out like that."

"Yes it is reckless, but I can't let this go on anymore. We must end this as soon as possible."

Lacus frowned at Kira's insistence. But truth did ring in his words. "I agree with Kira, Waltfeld-san. We also need to draw them away from the Headquarters."

"Very well then," Andrew stood up, grinning with a proud glint in his remaining eye. The three arrive to the Eternal, and Lacus smiled encouragingly at the frightened soldiers. _We must stand firm and unafraid._

Lacus sat on the familiar seat on the bridge. Kira stood besides her, squeezing her hand. "Eternal, launch!"

The Battleship flared into life and dove into the darkness of space. Soon, they sailed past Area 10 and Andrew yelled out a warning, "They're making their moves. The other mobile suits were going in another direction but Ragnorak is coming this way!"

Kira left the control room abruptly and Lacus followed him, stopping him just before the hangar.

Wordlessly, she handed him her mother's ring. Kira smiled and accepted it, kissing her tenderly. He answered her unasked question, "I'll return it to you...I'll return to your side, Lacus." They hugged one more time and she let go of him reluctantly.

She returned to the bridge hurriedly, wanting to see him launch off. She gave the crew an apologetic look, of her abrupt departure, but the members just smiled back knowingly.

The Ragnorak was indeed waiting for Kira. As Strike Freedom combined its rifles and shot out a long-range beam, the Ragnorak merely backed away, as if goading Kira to follow. Strike Freedom didn't take the bait; it flew along side of Eternal, pursuing the various MS.

Suddenly, the Ragnorak's claws detached from the hands and flew straight for Strike Freedom. Kira was forced to dodge the long and sharp claws, yet small and quick enough to escaped his counter attacks.

However, Lacus didn't have time to worry about Kira; the enemy MS started attacking from all sides as soon as Kira was driven away from the battleship.

"What are they thinking?" Andrew muttered angrily. The Eternal easily defeated the enemies, which weren't numerable enough or didn't have enough enough power to bring down the Eternal either. What was their plan?

When the smokes from the explosions cleared, all Lacus could see wasan endless stretch of empty space. There was no sign of Ragnorak or Strike Freedom.

"Kira...?" Lacus blinked.

"Cheh, what's going on?" Andrew growled in frustration.

"Taichou, our radar isn't picking up anything!!" Martin shouted frantically.

"Kuso, where are we?" Andrew frowned, "It can't be...we can't be lost...by logic we should be just a little outside of Area 15...," he glared at the monitor almost accusingly. The monitor couldn't show which direction they were going, and they couldn't connect with the headquarters either.

"It reminds me of the Bermuda Triangle on Earth," a crew member whispered to her friend in a fearful voice, "my brother went there and it was rumored that anyone who dared to go in would lose sense of direction and all means of communication and..."

"And what?" Andrew asked the scared girl, and a numbing sense of hopelessness hit the songstress.

"He never returned...anyone who went in never came out," the girl shivered, her tone full of despair.

_He never returned... _Lacus gulped and willed for the monitor to conjure up the image of Strike Freedom.

"Let's turn back, now!" Andrew ordered, "Even though we don't know the directions, if we went back the way we came in..."

His voice trailed off. The Eternal made a 90 degrees turn and sped forward. But the same empty region greeted them.

_Kira..._

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End of Chapter 4

**A/N: **Extremely difficult chapter to write, on top of writer's block. I've already planned what's going to happen but it's hard to get it into words. The very beginning of this fic happens after Kira wakes up.

The timeline for next chapter will merge with the end of "Let Go" (so that's when the "sequel part" truly starts)

I promise more action next chapter, now that I've finally gotten over the hard part.

Reviews are greatly appreciated!

Athyra


	5. Chapter 5 Where Sin Was Born

_**DISCLAIMER: **__This is a story based on characters and situations from Kidou Senshi Gundam Seed and Seed Destiny. I don't own it_

_**WARNING: **__Text and all related materials are rated __**PG13/T**__ and there is rather strong and coarse language and mild adult themes. So don't complain about offensive languages! XD Also, there are/might be some grammatical errors and typos, spelling mistakes, even after rereading it many times. _

_**NOTE**__: Several OC appearances, but I'm trying to cut down their parts and focus more on Kira-_

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**Imperfect**

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_She was my friend and my fiancée. Our parents set up our engagement and I knew that I loved her, that I could also learn to love her that way. Of course, things happened unexpectedly and in the end, I entrusted her in my best friend's care. But even now, I still have to convince myself that I did the right thing._ –Athrun Zala

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**Chapter 5 – Where Sin was Born**

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_-C.E. 76, Space- _

"This is Kira Yamato, calling the Eternal. Eternal, please respond," Kira said as calmly as he could into the speaker. When no one replied, he grimaced with unease and he clutched the ring tightly.

"Lacus, please respond!" He quickly typed a different code, "This is Admiral Yamato, calling Headquarters."

Only silence greeted him. He surveyed his surroundings carefully. It was the same region of space as before. He was just returning fire to Kei and when he looked around again, the Eternal was gone. How could a gigantic battleship vanish without a trace within a few seconds? And did something happen to the Headquarters? Or was it the MS itself that can't communicate-

"It's not really a trap, if that's what you're thinking, Kira Yamato," Kei's scratchy and smug voice angered the brunette somewhat.

"What did you to Eternal? Where are they?"

"Even I wouldn't know, and I'm actually telling the truth here," Kei's voice carried a thoughtful tone, "You see, we never had the intention of fighting you - it's our objective to lure you here. The Eternal had strayed into the Unknown Sector. No radio waves work in that area. I suppose it's the place where you military idiots dump all your wastes in, not caring about the consequences."

_The Bermuda Triangle. _Kira shook his head as if in denial. He learned about the mysterious triangular area on Earth, when he was in Heliopolis. Professor Kato had jokingly asked him to solve the mystery , but Kira had taken the request seriously and discovered...

There was no way out.

As if sensing Kira's dilemma, Kei merely laughed and the Ragnorak came at him with the claws.

Kira barely dodged it, forced to use the beam shield to deflect the claws. It was the first time Kira felt the cockpit shook so violently since his defeat by Shinn and Impulse.

The Ragnorak's rail guns rose at point-blank range and blasted Strike Freedom hard, pushing him a fair distance away.

_I would've died if they were beams(1), _Kira gritted his teeth, trying to counter Kei but ...he couldn't. Kei was gaining the upper hand and he knew it. The leader of the enemies was a decent pilot, possibly as skilled as Shinn.

But, it was simply because Kira couldn't concentrate at all.

A sudden warning beep alerted Kira to his senses and it was thanks his superior reflex that he evaded two newcomers.

They were space-modified versions of Kereberos Hounds, improved BuCues with beam sabres made for tearing into suits. The pilots were incredibly skilled with their machines, agilely dodging Kira's attacks, jumping from here to there.

They couldn't, however, land a hit on Kira either; it was almost as if they were acting like decoys-

Kei's DRAGOONs seemed to have multipled in numbers, as it was getting harder and harder to dodge all the prison-like beam shots. It was then Kira realized another mobile suit had joined the battle.

It was **ZGMF-X666S Legend**, the very MS Kira had fought at the battle of Messiah.

"Thanks Seth. I take it that the mission was a success eh?"

"Yes. But we still could not locate Esmeralda," came a monotony voice.

"No matter, she'll return sooner or later," Kei growled rather angrily.

_What's with this organization? Why do they have so many modified versions of our MS? _Kira looked around him in wonder.

A more defensive version of Minerva materialized out of nowhere. Kira did a double take, not at the warship but at the two MS accompanying it.

**Orb-01Z Itami **and** ZGMF-X19B Surtr**, a silver version of his sister's Akatsuki and a heavily modified version of his best friend's Infinite Justice.

"Of course, Kira Yamato. We're fighting against you, the Ultimate Coordinator, and the Triple Alliance, we must be more than prepared. Why do you think it took us so long to take action? Our grudge didn't just happen overnight - it has been brewing since the beginning of the first war. Now that we've obtained what we need, judgement will be dealt. Franz?"

The MS named Surtr had two large cannons connected by countless wires on the jetpack. It aimed its cannons at Kira, who quickly activated beam shields, anticipating some sort of plasma beams.

But nothing came. As Kira tried to move Strike Freedom, he discovered that he couldn't.

_From what we'd heard from Captain Joule, the organization had some sort of equipment that caused Electromagnetic Interference... _

"From your silence, I suppose you understand what kind of situation you're in, don't you?" Franz, the pilot of Surtr, said calmly.

Kira thought they were going to kill him on the spot but to his surprise, Kei came out of his cockpit and floated in front of the now disabled MS.

"Either you come out or we kill you. Rest assured, Ultimate Coordinator, you will not die just yet. We just want to have a little talk. All of us."

Kira tried to think in Athrun's perspective; what would a seasoned soldier do in a situation like this? Without Strike Freedom, there was no way to save Lacus.

_Live longer for now, and find a chance to escape. _Yes, that seemed to be most logical choice.

Surtr and the other MS directed Strike Freedom to their warship, while Kira was handcuffed and escorted to the bridge. They'd even found and took away the tiny dagger hidden in his shoes. Now he was truly defenseless.

Various military uniforms greeted him. ZAFT, ORB, O.M.N.I. soldiers glared at him in contempt - coordinators and Naturals alike. They all had one thing in common with their uniforms - a huge red cross on where the insigna was supposed to be.

"Welcome aboard **Schwarzung**, Mr. Yamato," the captain of the ship nodded at him briefly and her gaze went back to the monitor.

"Adelina, set course for our base."

"Yes, sir."

Kira slowly turned around and stared at his captor.

Kei, just as his mannerism suggested, had a wild, untamed appearance; he had shaggy grey hair and yellow eyes with slits for pupils. He was the only one not wearing a military uniform but a dark suit with a long cloak.

Kei grinned, and Kira could see vampiric canines protruding from his upper lip. "We'll talk more when we've arrived at our destination, Kira Yamato."

Kira frowned at the way he was addressed. There was always some kind of sneer whenever his whole name was mentioned.

Still handcuffed, Kira was lead by a tall man wearing a purple ZAFT uniform; he had dark-grey hair and a short goatee, but his face seemed familiar somehow.

The man glanced at Kira and smiled coldly, "So, I heard you've met my sister once, have you not?"

"Your sister?" At first, Kira was certain he had absolutely nothing to do with them, personally.

"My name is Franz. Franz Campbell, pilot of Surtr."

_Meer Campbell's brother? _Kira looked away. Guilt was back again, worse than before. Meer Campbell took the bullet for Lacus. Meer who died unknown to everyone. Meer, the imposter Lacus who tried to do what she thought was right, and died for the one she looked up to.

"I'm not the only one," Franz's voice was dangerously soft. "Adelina, the captain of this ship, lost her entire family from the Requiem's attack. Seth, pilot of Legend, was an escaped Extended from the lab at Lodonia. Elizabeth Larka, pilot of Itami, suffered so much from Representative Athha's indecisions but ah, this organization isn't made for personal grudges."

Franz pushed Kira non-too gently into a prison cell, slamming the door shut.

"Then what is your purpose? Why are you destroying the peace we all want? Didn't your sister want peace as well?"

The man laughed, "So what? I've never supported her idea of being the fake Lacus Clyne. She blindly llistened to the Chairman, ignoring my warnings and look what happened to her. No, Yamato, you all spoke of peace and you fought for your beliefs; yes there was nothing wrong with that. **But so are we**."

We are called Rache, or revenge - revenge against all the military power. Your very existence is contradicting with peace, Yamato. Your MS is one of the most powerful one ever made, and you need its power to maintain peace, yes? Now, that automatically puts you to the top of food chain, meaning you can have the world just the way you want it. And it IS true, is it not? The whole world listens to you and your followers! The space colonies listen to Chairman Spencer, who listens to Lacus Clyne. The earth is united under Orb's Cagalli Yula Athha...," Franz paused, smirking at the name for some reason.

"No! That's wrong! We-"

"Say all you want, Yamato, the truth will not change."

Kira's mental barriers were crumbling. The way Franz talked was like Rau, that riddle-like big talks; he was starting to lose control.

"Kei wants to see you, Franz.," an orange-haired girl said in a commanding voice. She was wearing an Orb uniform and her azure eyes were narrowed in contempt.

"Alright, but I suggest you don't stay here for too long, Larka. This guy is too full of ideals, much like his sister."

Kira gasped inwardly; how did they know about Cagalli's real identity? Larka's gaze darkened, "Just go."

"Alright alright," Franz sauntered away, but not before glaring at Kira one more time.

Larka leaned against the wall, determined to look everywhere but at Kira.

"What do you plan to do with me?" He asked quietly, trying to recompose his emotions. He just had to buy his time, and find some way to get back to Strike Freedom.

"That's for Kei to decide," she sighed wearily. She also muttered something else but Kira was able to hear it.

And it made his heart froze.

Larka noticed his stiff silence and gazed at him almost apologetically, "Yes, our base is located on Mendel."

Mendel, the place he hoped to never see again. The place where he, the Ultimate Coordinator, was created.

* * *

_-Unknown Region, 3 weeks later-_

"Any luck, Waltfeld-san?" Lacus stood besides the troubled man, both staring at the monitor intently.

"As far as I know, we're just going deeper and deeper into the space. Good thing the Eternal was a support ship to begin with; we have enough food to last us for almost a year!" He tried to laugh, which only came off as two forceful coughs.

"Taichou!" Martin groaned exasperatedly, "We're ok on the food rations but how about energy?"

"Well, we're not in combat right now, so I'd say we can survive for a few more weeks. With all the space debris here, there's bound to be some sort of abandoned colony we can get energy from."

3 weeks without Kira or any sign of help. _We need to get out of this predicament or our future is certain_. Lacus was about to walk back to her room when the vision swam before her.

"Whoa, you ok there Lacus?" Waltfeld stood up worriedly, looking at his surrogate-like daughter with unease.

"I'm alright," Lacus covered her mouth, feeling a bit nauseous, "I guess my stomach is a little tired from canned tuna. Excuse me."

As Lacus floated down the hallway, a warning bell rang at the back of her mind and she stopped abruptly at the sudden realization.

She should be happy, but tears slid down her cheeks and before she knew it, she was back to the bridge, sobbing uncontrollably.

"L-Lacus?" Waltfeld was completely lost, not sure how to comfort the crying girl.

She should be happy, but there's chance they would never see each other again, and he would never know.

* * *

_- 1 months later, Mendel Colony-_

Kira leaned against a large boulder, trying to break his handcuffs half-heartedly.

He knew he'd been here for a long time but so far, none of the Rache members had done anything to him, other than glaring at him of course. They barely gave him any food, but it was still enough for him to survive.

He was worried sick about Lacus but everytime he tried to run away, a Rache official was always there.

"We're keeping you under watch. When Kei's ready, we'll take you inside," Seth had said evenly, nodding towards the large building.

Other than being prisoned and all, he was treated rather nicely for a prisoner, which made him even mroe dubious of their behaviour. Ever since he came here, he hadn't seen Franz, Larka or Kei. Seth, the silver-haired Extended, was always watching him, making sure he was well chained. Seth was a quiet, sullen man, always looking into the distance. If it weren't for Franz, Kira would've never guessed the man was an Extended; Seth didn't seem to need any drugs.

Looking around him, Kira was reminded of the time he and the rest of Triple Alliance took refuge here. They were fighting on their own side, just as Rache was doing. Naturals and Coordinators really were working together towards one goal but why-

"Come, Yamato, Kei wants to see you," Franz's expression was grave. Seth frowned, "Are you sure? It's only been-"

"That's what Kei said," Franz cut him off curtly.

Seth scowled with obvious dislike about the time, but he dragged Kira towards the dark, ominous building. The Ultimate Coordinator tried to block the onslaught of images of his confrontation with Rau. All the abandonned test tubes were enough to make him nauseous.

_I'm a person. I have parents. I have a family. I'm not a creation_. He kept repeating the mantra in his mind, like a lifeline to protect his sanity.

He was led towards a room at the end of the hallway, were he could hear low growls resonating in the empty space.

"Please, calm down, Kei," Larka said patiently. A vicious snarl replied the girl. Seth frowned again and kicked the door open.

Larka was kneeling on the floor, her hands on Kei's shoulder, who was trembling in obvious pain. Kira could only stare at the sight before him. Seth pushed him forward harshly, causing him to fall in front of Kei.

"Good, you're here. I cannot delay our little talk any longer," Kei hissed in a guttural voice that was barely human.

Kira stared right into Kei's wolfish eyes and whispered, "You're... an experiment, aren't you?"

Kei curled his lips angrily, revealing his two prominent canines, "That's right. Clones are fine, aren't they? They age fast and die early, true, but they appear human, don't they? After all, their genetic donor was a human. Me and countless others, on the other hand, were created from animal genes."

He raised his gloved hands, and Kira flinched inwardly at the long claws coming from it. "I was the lucky one. I had some form of conscious close to a human, but all the other ones were... exterminated. Look at me, pathetic, aren't I? Crawling on the floor just like a common beast. My voice, my appearance, even my appetite for raw meat - nothing remotely close to a human."

"No one can judge you for who you are, Kei. You can still create the future with your own hands," Kira said almost pleadingly. An experiment he himself was, he was still a human, with human parents and a happy childhood.

But that was only because he was a 'success', unlike Rau, Rey, and Kei.

Kei laughed animalistically, "I knew you would say that, Kira Yamato. As expected of the Ultimate Coordinator. You're right, I can create my own future with my own...'hands'," he stared at his own clawed hands disdainfully, "A future where no more mass destruction weapons can be created. A future where things like me would not be created."

"It's impossible," Kira muttered.

"Perhaps. But," Kei slowly stood up with the help of Larka, "we'll just see, won't we?"

"Do you plan to destroy humanity?" Kira thought of a certain masked man's insane laughter. "Or do you seek to control our future?" He recalled Gilbert Dullindal's unwavering voice and Rey's lugubrious sobs.

"Neither," Kei hissed, "I want to destroy all of the humanity's firepower - the source of every conflict! I am different than Rau le Creuset and Gilbert Dullindal. I will succeed whereas they failed. I will also stay true to my goals unlike those weaklings Rey and Canard Pars."

_Canard Pars? Who's that?_

Suddenly, the whole building shook as if it was hit by missiles. Kei cursed profusely, "Dammit, what is Franz doing?"

"Kei, the Archangel is here," came Franz's disgruntled voice from the walkie-talkie.

_The Archangel? Athrun? Mwu-san?_

"Schwarzung managed to evacuate, but we could not secure Strike Freedom. The Gottwelds are trying to distract the Akatsuki but Athrun Zala is heading towards the building."

"Take me to Ragnorak, Larka, we're leaving this base," Kei growled furiously, staggering away with the girl supporting him. He nodded at Seth, who took out a small knife and a syringe from his pocket.

Even with Kira's resistence, Seth still overpowered him and slashed across Kira's arm. Blood immediately poured out from the wound; Kira barely managed to prevent himself from hissing in pain. Seth collected the blood in a small dial, and then he inserted the syringe into Kira's neck.

"It's nothing serious, Ultimate Coordinator. It's just a safety measure and my personal curiosity to analyze your genes. We'll meet again, Kira Yamato. I will take your life, in a fair combat. I will prove to the world that even failures like me can defeat you."

"F-fair combat? What you say and do is different..." Kira gritted his teeth, unable to fight the overhwelming urge to sleep.

"Just ignore your ideals for now and sleep-"

Kira could no longer hear anything. He was completely surrounded by darkness.

* * *

"Wake up, Kira!"

The brunette groaned in pain and shock when he felt a fist hit his face. He opened his eyes abruptly and the room swirled in his vision.

Hands pulled him upright and Kira stared at his best friends groggily. "H-hey, Athrun..."

The blunette sighed in relief, "The doctor said you weren't sick or anything but you wouldn't wake up. The wound on your arm isnt infected or anything. So I had to punch you-"

"Well, it worked out in the end," Mwu La Flaga patted Kira's back good-humoredly.

"So, what happened?" Kira tried to focus his thoughts but couldn't. Everything seemed so disorientated and ... wait, why was he aboard Archangel?

"Well, after we were notified of your situation up here, we were sent into space. It took us awhile, and it was by chance we discovered the rebel base on Colony Mendel. We spotted your MS and-"

"I tried to hold off those two crazy Keroberos Hounds," Mwu continued, "Athrun here went towards the building and found you, kid. We had to fight off many look-alike MS but luckily for us, whatever they used to make electromagnetic inteference was recharging or something."

"Even that, the Archangel was pretty damaged. We're on Aprilius 1 right now," Athrun rubbed his forehead wearily.

Kira blinked slowly. Colony Mendel, rebel base, look-alike MS...what?

"Where's Lacus and Eternal?"

Athrun and Mwu exchanged looks and the former sighed sadly, "We still can't locate them, Kira. They've been missing for-"

"Wait, they've been missing?"

"What are you talking about, Kira? The Headquarters told us you went off with Eternal. I assume the Eternal went missing around the same time you were captured-"

"I was captured?" Kira frowned, trying to remember anything but couldn't. All he could remember was coming up to space and join Lacus at the Headquarters and everything after that was a blur.

"You can't remember anything?" Athrun gasped.

Kira shook his head slowly and his hand went for the necklace around his neck.

_Why do I have Lacu's ring...?_

-

-

(1) Shinn said that to Kira during their fight in Orb. I'm trying to create a bit of irony here.

End of Chapter 5

-

**A/N:** Ah, very late update yea, but I don't really like how this chapter turned out, even after numerous revising. So I was rather hesitant to upload it but if I didn't get over this chapter I'll never finish the story.

So the whole Rache organization's introduced, but you don't really need to know who they are, other than Kei, Franz and Larka. The other people have names just because. We don't know who 'Meer Campbell' really is, and I want to explore her character more, so voila Franz.

For those who have read "Let Go" would know who Esmeralda and Seth are, but they're not important in this fic.

So, Kira can't remember anything that has happened since chapter 2. It was only temporary, though.

Thanks for all the reviews!

Athyra


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